Prideland Information Source
by Sulkie Wolfen
Summary: Seneerie interviews various members of the pridelands. Really old, nothing but crack. DISCONTINUED.
1. Low Lifes

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True' **

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Interview**

**with the low lifes**

**Disclaimer :: I don't own The Lion King. Obviously. Duh. I think I have said that a total of six times now in the past two days! Seneerie, Kipusa, and Cameraman James belong to me.**

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host): **_singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases... _Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So....

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie. She has been running this show for a matter of 5 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie: **_who's nose is stuffed up, so all the ns are ds _Hello viewers and jabber jabber and it's the circle of life and all that jazz! Except, actually it's more the circle of the PLSA Channel Station... but that's beside the point! And this program is brought to you by the generousness of my good friend Mufasa... you know he's king of the pride lands? Well, now you know and let's get on with the point!

**Cameraman James: **_whispering _Uh, Seneerie?

_James holds out a tissue, because Seneerie's voice is considerably stuffy_

**Seneerie: **_also whispering _Oh, James can't it wait? I've got more important things to do! _turning back to the audience, speaking louder _Eh em. We're having a few difficulties, but it's nothing serious and it doesn't keep us from showing our doohik. Show. Thing. Anyway, our first guest is... Kipusa!

_Jeopardy music begins to play, and Seneerie is shouting over it_

**Seneerie: **Ahem. Kipusa is Mufasa's brother's daughter. And... she's a little, er, short shall we say. And a slight bit... young. But that's okay! Here she comes!

_Kipusa enters the room. There are several 'aw...' s, saying Kipusa is a cub_

**Kipusa: **Uh, where's the restroom?

**Seneerie: **_whispering to Kipusa _Hush. _yelling to audience _At any rate, here she is, ripe and ready!

**Kipusa: **Why are you talking to them like I'm a fruit?

**Seneerie: **_to Kipusa _Hey kid, you wanna get your butt spanked?

_Kipusa frowns and shuts her mouth_

**Seneerie: **Right well... time for an interview! Sit down, sit down here Kipusa.

_Kipusa sits down, and Seneerie folds her arms and leans toward the cub_

**Seneerie: **Okay. The first question is, what is the meaning of life?

**Kipusa: **Huh?

**Seneerie: **_laughing _It's -- it's a joke. The real first question is, what is your place in the circle. Of life, that is?!

**Kipusa: **Oh. Well, my father is next in line to be king, but that's all gonna change soon because Mufasa's having a son. And so that puts him second in line to be king and me third in line to be queen.

**Seneerie: **Ah. I see, I see. And how do you feel about that?

**Kipusa: **Why are you asking me all these questions?

**Seneerie: **_sighs, impatiently _Because it's an _interview_.

**Kipusa: **Oh. Well isn't that last one kind of personal?

**Seneerie: **_smiling guiltily and crossing 'fingers' _No.

**Kipusa: **Well then, I feel betrayed. I mean, it's not really fair that Mufasa is cheating my dad out of being king.

**Seneerie: **Yeah but, don't you know that Scar isn't fit to be king?

**Kipusa: **What? How dare you!

**Seneerie: **I mean, you know, no offense, but he seems a little... how do you say? _whispering _Skinny? Bony? Weak?

_Kipusa looks crossly at Seneerie_

**Kipusa: **_whispering _I dislike you.

**Seneerie: **Temper, temper. _shouting to the crowd _Ahem, _anyway_, I think this little _darling woochy poo _is having a little temper tantrum. So, heh, why don't we bring her father in here?

**Kipusa: **I wouldn't do that if I were you.

**Seneerie: **_leaning over the table in Kipusa's face, eyes narrowed _And exactly why not?

**Kipusa: **_shrugs _Don't say I didn't warn you.

**Seneerie: **_rolls eyes and shrugs _James, could you call Mr. Scar in?

**Cameraman James: **Yes, Miss Seneerie.

_There is a brief moment of awkward silence as Seneerie blinks; a vacant expression on her face_

**Cameraman James: **Mr. Scar is here, Miss Seneerie.

**Seneerie: **_snaps fingers and brightens up _Good! Mr. Scar, could you come in please?

_Scar, mumbling, sits at the table_

**Scar: **Yes?

**Seneerie: **Hello, Mr. Scar!

**Scar: **Eaughh! Could you please stop calling me that? It's just Scar, not Mr. Scar!

**Seneerie: **_failing miserably to immitate a British accent _It is, a form of politeness, Sir.

**Scar: **Form of politeness my dirty socks! And I don't even wear socks! Now, why did you call me here?

**Seneerie: **Because, _in punk talk _your _daughter _didn't satisfy our curiosity.

**Scar: **Oh? Well you can tell your _sources _that I am not interested in sitting in this utandu _everyone in the room shivers_ of a place!

_storms out the door, pulling it off it's hinges. Seneerie quivers, and clenches her teeth_

**Seneerie: **Well. That went well.

**Kipusa: **_who is failing to keep a straight face _Don't say I never told'ja so.

**Seneerie: **Why you son -- or 'scuse me, _in sing song making fun of voice, making "quotes" with fingers _"daughter" of a --

**Cameraman James: **_blocks the view of Seneerie and Kipusa. Immitating Porky the Pig _Th- Th- That's all folks!

**The Closest We Can Get to the End without Making this PG Rated**


	2. Daddipoo Died

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True'**

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Loss of a **

**Family Member**

**Disclaimer :: **Disclaimer is the same, I haven't just become the owner of The Lion King or something... and no stealing any of my characters!!! You know who they are. Okay, and, mental note, starts out the same. The chapters will all start the same way.

**THANK YOU SO MUCH PICHOOI FOR REVIEWING THE FIRST CHAPTER!!! I FINALLY GOT A REVIEW ON PRIDE LAND INFORMATION SOURCE! YAY!!**

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host): **_singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases... _Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So....

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a rather pudgy cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie. She has been running this show for a matter of 5 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie: **_who is in a praying like position and seems to be having trouble breathing, looks rather er... mad, and is occasionally laughing maniacally; she's talking to herself quietly _Okay... calm yourself... wait! _screaming madly _No! Don't calm myself! I can tell the future, and I know that calming yourself is something bad! What am I, some kind of freeeeeeeeeak?

_Cameraman James waves his arms in front of the screen_

**Cameraman James: **Heh heh, sorry! I highly recommended Seneerie not to have the show today... she's a little drunk, what with the loss and all.

**Seneerie: **What? I am not drunk! I am perfectly fine!

**Cameraman James: **And listening to songs that will be written in the future. _whispering to poor drunk Seneerie _You might tell them about "the loss."

**Seneerie: **_who is panting and trying to regain her self consciousness _Okay... be calm... don't calm yourself... _speaking relatively clearly _Okay. Well, my daddipoo _everyone laughs _What? Is something wrong? Anyway, my daddipoo died, and so he's gone -- and so we're going to interview Mufasa, because he lost his daddipoo too. I mean, because he's king of the pride lands.

_Jeopardy music, Seneerie is shouting, you know the drill_

So all be nice to Mufiepoo!

_"Mufiepoo" arrives, yawning_

**Seneerie: **_who seems to be relatively normal, except she keeps giving you an Ed-like stare _Ah, here he is! Come, Muffy, come. _bangs fist on the table; but not without gasping in pain, and madly shaking it. She appears to be holding back tears of pain _Yeah... right over here.

_Mufasa has sat down opposite Seneerie. Seneerie leans toward him, studying his features._

**Seneerie: **_whistles, she is whispering mainly to herself _Whoo. Too bad he already has a queen. _backs off a little, is now finally starting the long awaited interview _So Mufasa, the first question is: So what's king being like?

_Mufasa stares at her, she sighs, makes that purring movement with her lips, and rolls her eyes_

**Seneerie: **Heh, I mean, what's being king like?

**Mufasa: **_who seems to have gotten the message _Ohh! Well, it's actually quite interesting.

**Seneerie: **_in sarcastic, "duh" voice _Really? How so?

**Mufasa: **It's much more of a responsibility than I thought. In fact, basically all I do is work. But it's kind of fun for everyone to look up to you. _smiles teasingly_

**Seneerie: **Granted, but aren't you having a son?

_Mufasa nods, still smiling_

**Mufasa: **Yes. Any time now. In fact, I was almost afraid to come: Sarabi thinks he's coming.

**Seneerie: **He?

**Mufasa: **Oh, didn't I tell you? It's a boy, and his name's to be Simba.

**Seneerie: **Awww... that's cute. Well Mufasa, soon he'll have to come in for an interview as well!

_Mufasa gives her a look_

**Seneerie: **I mean, you know, when he's old enough.

**Mufasa: **Oooooooohhhhhhh.

_Now it's Seneerie's turn to give Mufasa a look._

**Seneerie: **Yeah. Whatever. Well, so Mufasa, what do you think of your brother Scar?

**Mufasa: **_sighs _Must we bring him up?

**Seneerie: **_gasps _Uh, yyyyeah!

**Mufasa: **_sighs _Well, he's been a bit of a brat lately.

**Seneerie: **_who is losing her patience and getting bored; this can be seen by the way she is clawing holes in her table _How so?

**Mufasa: **Well... we had a family event the other day and he said he couldn't come.

**Seneerie: **And? Maybe he was sick?

**Mufasa: **It was just a common cold...

_Seneerie rolls her eyes_

**Seneerie: **Maybe he just doesn't like sympathy and attention then.

**Mufasa: **Well, there's a thought. But also, he doesn't seem very happy about Simba.

**Seneerie: **_who seems to be going a little too much toward the evil side; don't blame her, she's been listening to broadway music that will be written in the future :D _Well that's understandable.

**Mufasa: **Why?

**Seneerie: **Let's change the subject. How much do you weigh?

**Mufasa: **WHAT?!

**Seneerie: **_sighs _Dude, it's a joke.

**Mufasa: **643. Oops.

_Seneerie breaks out laughing; Mufasa looks embarrassed_

**Seneerie: **Look who's overweight! Hah! The king of the pride lands is overweight! _tune of 'na na' _The king is overwei-eight! The king is overwei-eight!

**Mufasa: **Stop! So what if I'm overweight? Have you any idea how much my brother is underweight?

_Seneerie continues laughing; then looks rather serious_

**Seneerie: **No.

**Mufasa: **Well then. We seem to cancel each other out. Except, about 50 pounds doesn't cut it for him.

**Seneerie: **Wow. He's really a scimp.

**Mufasa: **Hey, don't tell him I said that. Besides, you aren't exactly skinny either!

_Seneerie looks embarrassed; this has become true because for the last few days all she's done is sat around and eat See's candy._

**Seneerie: **It's not my fault Daddipoo died a week ago and I'm not over it!

**Mufasa: **_who is now sympathizing Seneerie _Oh... you poor thing. I'll make sure nothing ever happens to you. Okay?

_Seneerie smiles_

**Seneerie: **Sure, big guy!

**Mufasa: **Okay...

**Cameraman James: **And that's all the time we have! Unless we want to see Mufasa consider breaking up with Sarabi and going for a depressed, drunk TV show host.

**The Closest We Can Get to the End without Making this Romance-based**


	3. Translating Jibberish

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True'**

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Translating**

**Jibberish**

**WOW! 3 REVIEWS IN ONE DAY! I MUST BE REALLY GOOD (JUST KIDDING)! THANK Y'ALL SO MUCH!**

**Disclaimer ::** Blah blah blah. I don't own The Lion King. You know what I do own, and YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO STEAL IT WITHOUT MY PERMISSION!!! LIONESS ALSO BELONGS TO ME!!! MUHAHA!!

**Notes :: **Yay! Another chapter! gasp At any rate, I had to change the rating ((grumbles)) because, heh, we have a little drug abuse in this chapter. Which reallly sucks, because this is supposed to be a fic for all audiences to enjoy and learn from, but how can it be that if it's rated PG 13? I'll try to tone it down a little, so that I don't have to rate it R, heh, I'm hardly considered 17.

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host):** _singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases... _

Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So....

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie; who finally seems to have lost some weight. She has been running this show for a matter of 5 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie:** Ah, hello! If I have any viewers, I am so flattered! At any rate... this show is sponsered by Mufiepoo... I'm so flattered to be friends with the king of the pride lands... If you didn't know that you do now. Now, today we are interviewing Simba!

_we hear some polite, canned applause_

**Seneerie: **And now, maybe BEFORE the jeopardy music starts, enter Simba.

_jeopardy music begins; Seneerie sits, her paw smashed against her face; thumping her fingers to no particular rythm_

**Seneerie:** Eh em. I said, ENTER SIMBA!!!

_Sarabi enters, carrying little tiny baby Simba; who might I add is crying_

**Seneerie:** Ahh! My poor ears! _winces and covers ears with paws_

**Sarabi: **We're here!

**Seneerie:** Could you make him stop crying?

**Sarabi: **Oh, okay. screaming at top of lungs STOP THE MUSIC!!! _music comes to an abrupt stop_

**Seneerie: **_who has returned to a "normal" state_ Ah. That's better. Now, come sit down, Sarabi, Simba.

_Sarabi smiles and sits down opposite Seneerie. She cradles Simba in her arms, cradling him. He falls asleep, and Seneerie sighs_

**Seneerie:** Sarabi... I need him for the interview.

**Sarabi: **Oh, I'm terribly sorry... _pokes Simba extremely hard in the stomach; he immediately wakes up and resumes crying_

**Seneerie: **_screams_ SHUT HIM UP!!

**Sarabi: **_closes Simba's mouth; looks rather embarrassed_ Oh, sorry. Yes I know, just thinking about it gives you a migraine, doesn't it?

**Seneerie: **Uh, actually... it doesn't really work -- whatever. Let me handle that.

_Sarabi holds out Simba carelessly, he drops to the ground. Both gasp_

**Sarabi: **Simba!

**Seneerie: **Sambio! _Sarabi glares at her_ Heh, I mean SIMBA! Are you alright? _ picks up Simba, who is crying again_ Shh... shh...

**Sarabi:** _whispering_ Give me that. Now.

**Seneerie: **_holding Simba away from Sarabi_ Nuh-nuh-nuh-nuh-no... he's mine. _smiles tenderly, Simba has stopped crying_ He likes me.

**Sarabi:** _mouth gaping_ You're right. He does.

**Seneerie: **Well then... why don't you leave, and Simba and I... we'll get to our interview.

_Sarabi nods and leaves_

**Seneerie: **So Simba. You'll be the next king. How do you feel about that?

**Simba: **Geshee.

**Seneerie: **Huh? Could you repeat that?

**Simba: **Sh. Gale... ffffa!

_Seneerie looks at him; annoyedly_

**Seneerie: **Great. Does someone here know baby language?

_a lioness; maybe a few years younger than Seneerie; raises her han_

**Lioness: **I do!

**Seneerie: **_snaps finger_ Ah, good! Come on down.

_Seneerie, still carrying Simba, makes her way through the crowds, staggering: after she snags her paw on a piece of metal_

**Seneerie: **Yeeeow!!!

_The lioness makes her way to Seneerie_

**Lioness: **Are you alright? Here, let me help you. _ she helps Seneerie, who is constantly gasping in pain, back to her table where she sits in the chair. Lioness sits opposite her_

**Seneerie: **_voice strained in pain _The first question is... Oh, right. Heh heh. You'll be the next king. How do you about feel that?

_Lioness gives her a look_

**Seneerie: **I mean, heh, how do you feel about that?

**Simba: **Shoota! Glateahsh.

**Seneerie: **Translation, please?

**Lioness: **Er... "Drinks! They rock."

**Seneerie: **Simba! Bad boy. You're not even a year old. You're way too young for drugs. But... on the other hand...

**Cameraman James: **Here's your "Hyena Barf", Seneerie.

_holds out a bottle of wine with the name "Hyena Barf" on it_

**Seneerie: **I was waiting for that. Apparently, my order finally came in. But during my show?

_Lioness drools_

**Seneerie: **Oh well. Want some? _begins pouring it down Simba's throat_

**Lioness: **NO!!!

_Lioness pulls the Hyena Barf away_

**Lioness: **No, kids! No way! Drugs are bad. If you are under ten years old, please tell your mommies and daddies the following message, "I will not listen to stupid, drunk TV show hosts and I will not drink Hyena Barf." Okay?

**Simba: **_smacks lips, fondly _That was good.

_Seneerie gasps_

**Seneerie: **His first words! Good little Simbie-wimbie...

_Mufasa storms in, he looks like he's been seriously working out and his mane's all snazzy. He's holding a rose_

**Mufasa: **Seneerie!

_Seneerie looks at Mufasa, her eyes turn to hearts_

**Seneerie: **Oh, Mufiepoo!

_they dash toward each other -- Seneerie seriously staggering -- and embrace_

**Seneerie: **You did that? For me?

**Mufasa: **Mm hmm. But I have to go.

**Seneerie: **_who's spirits are seriously down _Alright.

_Mufasa heads out the door_

**Mufasa: **Bye sweetie babycakes!

_Seneerie waves, staggering back to the table and constantly gasping in pain_

**Seneerie: **Back to the point. Well, it seems your services are no longer needed. _pushes Lioness away_

**Lioness: **But-- whatever.

_Lioness struts off, Seneerie shrugs and continues talking to "Simba-wimbie"_

**Seneerie: **So Simba. _as a reminder, Seneerie is drunk and therefore her vision is out of focus _Whoah... you look weird, man. Anyway, do... you.... want... to be..._faints_

**Cameraman James: **Whoops! It seems our dear host has had one too many... see you next time!

**The Closest We Can Get to the End Without Seeing Seneerie Picked up by an Ambulance and see Mufasa Show Mercy on Her**


	4. Queen Pie

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True'**

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Pie.**

**Queen Flavored.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE FLATTERING REVIEWS, THEY JUST MAKE MY DAY!! AND KIARA32, I KNOW I'M WEIRD! I THOUGHT THAT WAS WHAT MY READERS LIKED ABOUT ME?!**

**Disclaimer ::** Listen, if you are even close to humane, you know that I DON'T OWN THE LION KING!!! There we go. Got it down? You also know who I own. No stealing! Stealing is bad, as I'm sure your parents have told you countless times. :D

**Notes :: **Nope. I'm not going to have to raise the rating again. Yay! Finally! I don't have to raise the rating! Anyway, heh, enjoy! Time for an interview. And also, yes, you are correct that in every interview Seneerie has some mishap, and that every time it gets worse until we get to see her so misshapen that she's hanging onto her table for dear life! gasp! Yay!

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host):** _singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases..._

Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So....

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie; who now seems quite skinny. She has been running this show for a matter of 5 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie: **_who is seriously losing her voice _Hello viewers. Today my voice is like... dead, so all bear with me.

**Cameraman James: **Ah... yes. Seneerie has finally made a full recovery... er, except for having some _really _bad lion cold thing...

_Seneerie rolls her eyes in the background_

**Seneerie: **No no James, I'm FINE.

**Cameraman James: **_to himself, mainly _Oh, yeah. Perfectly.

**Seneerie: **Yehh... and, while I was like... dead, mum took me on a vacation to Hawaii. I learned all about interviews there!

_The crowd stares at her_

**Seneerie: **For example, I learned that you hafta actually PLEASE your guests!

_The crowd cheers_

**Seneerie: **Anyways, today we have with us... SARABI!!!

_Jeopardy music sounds; Seneerie is shouting... you know the drill_

**Seneerie: **SARABI IS THE QUEEN OF THE PRIDE LANDS. MOTHER OF SIMBA AND WIFE OF MUFASA. _to herself, mainly _But not for long...

_Sarabi enters, her hair brushed and pretty, her eyelashes flirt style, with an over dosage of lipstick on_

**Seneerie: **Welcome Ibaras!

_Sarabi stares at her_

**Seneerie: **I mean... Sarabi!

_Sarabi sits across the table from Seneerie_

**Sarabi: **So...

**Seneerie: **So what's it like to be married to the king?

**Sarabi: **_smiles and sighs, lazily and dreamily _Ohh... it's wonderful.

**Seneerie: **_who is losing her temper _Oh yeah? Well, I wouldn't know, 'cause I'm just an average --

**Sarabi: **Stop!

**Seneerie: **Why should I?

**Sarabi: **Please?

**Seneerie: **_makes a face _Ohh... fine. Perfectly. _grins _My next question is... well, was it difficult having Simba?

**Sarabi: **Yes, he was a real kicker... I mean, WHY AM I TELLING YOU THAT? What do you want to know for?

**Seneerie: **Ohh... nothing. _muffles a laugh_

**Sarabi: **Why you little...

**Seneerie: **Whoop! All take care! It looks like Sarabi's gonna get pretty wild!

**Sarabi: **...What...?! No!

**Seneerie: **My third question is kind of personal... what do you like in Mufasa?

**Sarabi: **Well... he's so... muscular, big and perfect-like. He's preeeeeecious... _drools_

**Seneerie: **Yeah? Have it your way then... GIVE ME BACK MY BOYFRIEND!!!

**Sarabi: **What? Why?! He's mine!

**Seneerie: **HE'S MINE!!!

**Sarabi: **Yes he is.

**Seneerie: **Wha...?!

**Sarabi: **Er, I mean no he isn't.

**Seneerie: **Yes he is.

**Sarabi: **No he's not.

**Seneerie: **_who seems to be singing out the argument to the tune of The Madness _Yes he is!

**Sarabi: **_quickly catching on to the tune _No he's not!

**Seneerie: **I tell you, he-is-mine

**Sarabi: **No he's not

**Seneerie: **Yes he is

**Sarabi: **No he's not

**Seneerie: **Yes... yes...

**Sarabi: **No... no...

**Seneerie: **We're getting nowhere.

**Sarabi: **You know, you're right for once. But where in God Chui's name did you come up with that tune?

**Seneerie: **I'm psychic. One day, Scar will be king, and he will sing that song. _nods_

**Sarabi: **What? Rubbish!

**Seneerie: **Oh yeah, boy hog?

**Sarabi: **Yeah, copy cheater!

**Seneerie: **OH YEAH??!

**Sarabi: **YEAH!

_the two are now standing; Seneerie still with one paw above the ground; the are staring at each other, crossly_

**Seneerie: **OH YEAH???!

**Sarabi: **YEAH!!! YOU WANNA MAKE SOMETHIN' OF IT?

_Seneerie rolls her eyes and strikes Sarabi_

**Cameraman James: **Er... end of transmission! Heh heh.

**The Closest We Can Get to the End Without Seeing Seneerie get Arrested for "Queen Abuse"**


	5. Many Faces

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True'**

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Many**

**Faces: Skinny to Scarred**

**MORE REVIEWS!!! YAY! KEEP 'EM COMIN', READERS!**

**Disclaimer ::** I think you like Seneerie enough to know that she's mine... and everyone else in this chappie is mine too. Except if Scar counts.

**Notes :: **Yay! I get to do an interview with the two most classic of my odd lionesses... SENEERIE AND SINISTRESS!!! Yay! Anyway... I hope you liked the last chappie... did you catch on to the part about The Madness? Probably not, but someday... someday you'll thank me. Poor Seneerie with her little... oh well. And also, you bet I'll get to ones once Simba and Mufasa are 'dead'! They'll probably be pretty funny too, what with Seneerie's crush on Mufasa and her inability to see anything wrong with Scar...

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host):** _singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases..._

Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So....

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie; who you might wonder how she holds herself up; she's so thin. She has been running this show for a matter of 5 1/2 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie: **_pops a pain reliever in her mouth; swallows what seems to be about a quart of water _Hello viewers! I'm back from my nice vacation in prison!

_blank stares_

**Seneerie: **Yyyeah, I got arrested for Queen Abuse.

_amid "ooooohhhhhh" from the crowd_

**Seneerie: **And so, I thought today we'd interview another lioness who's been arrested for similar crimes... all welcome SINISTRESS!!!

_Jeopardy music, Seneerie is attempting not to shout_

**Seneerie: **Do I really have to go through this again? I do this every time! Besides, Scar told me that you should never shout until it's been at least ten minutes since you took your last pain reliever... don't ask me why.

_Sinistress; a tan colored lioness with steel colored eyes and an evil look on her face; decorative scarring all over her face; storms in and bitterly sits across from Seneerie_

**Seneerie: **Don't worry Sinistress... I took enough pain relievers that there is NO WAY you can hurt me.

**Sinistress: **_nastily _Shut up!

**Seneerie: **Oh, not very friendly?

**Sinistress: **WHO are we talking about now?

**Seneerie: **WHAT? Stop it, Sinistress!

_Sinistress growls_

**Seneerie: **_backing off in fear _Okay, I'm sorry. _brightens _So... my first question is: Who are you?

**Sinistress: **I'm the proud daughter of Evillo and Darkney. Why do you care?

**Seneerie: **Ah, thank you Sinistress. Now... how long have you lived in the Pride Lands?

**Sinistress: **Why should I tell you? Well, if you must know, I moved here a little over a year ago.

**Seneerie: **_blank stare _Moved? What's moving?

**Sinistress: **Gee... you really are thick. It's when you leave one place and come to another. Duh.

**Seneerie: **Well soh-rry!

_Sinistress growls_

**Seneerie: **_mocking Sinistress _"Grr..." That's a good growl you got there.

**Sinistress: **Don't pretend you care.

**Seneerie: **Blah blah blah. So Sinniepoo... why did you "move" here?

**Sinistress: **There was more food, a better economy, a better life here. Why not?

**Seneerie: **_glares _Because since you moved here, there's not been much room for ME. I've been here WAY longer than YOU!

**Sinistress: **Ya wanna make som'm of it, SENEERIE?

**Seneerie: **YEAH!

_Seneerie tackles Sinistress; guess she can support her own weight; and Sinistress throws her against a wall_

**Seneerie: **Ooowww!!

_Sinistress is clearly not finished; she dives toward Seneerie and soon tears much blood from her body... guh-ross_

**Seneerie: **YYEEE- Aughh!

_Seneerie manages to pick herself up and staggers back to her table; she has a black eye and is smothered with blood_

**Seneerie: **_calmly _My next question is... _angrily _WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME? I THOUGHT THE PAIN RELIEVERS WOULD BE ENOUGH, BUT APPARENTLY NOT!!

_Sinistress grins evilly_

**Sinistress: **You looked pretty fun to sink my teeth into.

**Seneerie: **_ignoring Sinistress _Slaves? Call in for a pizza. I don't know how long this is gonna get.

**Sinistress: **And remember to give me the pizza.

**Seneerie: **Nuh nuh no, it's for me.

**Sinistress: **Why you little...

_Seneerie faints in fear, getting blood all over the floor_

**Cameraman James: **Whoop! Looks like you don't need to order a pizza afterall! That ends that episode, regardless of how stupid it is!

**The Closest We Can Get to the End Without Seeing the Animals Pamper Seneeerie; and Getting to See Sinistress Enjoy a Pizza**


	6. Inereew ih Ed

**Pride Land Information Source**

**The Television Show of all the 'True'**

**Aspects of the Pride Lands- Inereeww**

**ih Ed**

**ONLY ONE MORE REVIEW? YOU CAN DO BETTER THAN THAT! ER... CAN'T YOU?**

**Disclaimer :** Seneerishness and Cameraman Jamiepoo belong to me. All the rest 're Disney in this chappiepoo. And I don't own Channel 3, Live Copter 3, Pride Rock, being live, cameras, or anything like that.

**Notes : **Finally, into Scar's Rule! This will be a good one, hmm?

_We fade into classic different wacky 'Pride Land Information Source' signs, as traditional theme plays_

**Seneerie (our host):** _singing; tune is similar to that of 'Home on the Range'... the original, not the Disney song. A little too many words in some of the phrases..._

Oh... the work was hard

and the pay was bad

and the way here was quite bor-ing

But on the way here

We see quite the advertisement

And that really got us lur-ing

So...

_tune now similar to 'We're Gonna Take a Walk Outside Today'; if you've seen The Adventures of Milo and Otis you'll understand_

If you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

Yeah, if you're really bored and want to do something

Then at this show all your bells will ring

It's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo

Yeah, it's a really weird world and a good one too

for the stupid bums and the ones in the loo!

_we now switch to a dome-like room, made of rock. In the middle is a polished rectangular table with two seats across from each other. In one of the two seats is a cream colored lioness; probably around Kiara's age at her time. The lioness is sitting like a lion, except her paws are on the table. This is Seneerie; who is giving you an Ed-like stare. She has been running this show for a matter of 6 years. On each side of the table is a microphone on a tiny stand with a long cord that seems to lead to nowhere._

**Seneerie: **Hello viewers! It's REALLY been a while... eh? Heh... for a while, I was in like, no shape to do like, interviews, and then Mufiepoo and Sambio died, and I was like, in a state of depression. But I'm over it now and ready to do more interviews! _gasps _Yay! Today, we get to interview one I obtained my stare from. All welcome... ED!

_Jeopardy music._

**Seneerie: **Ed is a hyena, now with a residence in the Pride Lands! He was born probably the sharpest hyena in the pack, but as a tiny little guy, he suffered some SEVERE brain damage. _Hmm, sounds like a story that could suit someone else around here, too. _But that's okay! It doesn't keep us from doing anything. And - _sighs _I CAN'T THINK OF A GOOD OPENING LINE! _mock sobbing _Heeeeeelp me...

**Cameraman James: **How about something simple. Like on Channel 3! Something real snazzy and old-fashioned, like "Reporting from Live Copter PLSA, this is Pride Land Information Source!"

**Seneerie: **But that's so boring! It sounds so practiced, rehearsed! It doesn't sound live enough! I don't want my viewers to think that I PRACTICED MY LINES!

_Cameraman James sighs_

**Seneerie: **How about... "Here, on PLSA, Reporting from Live Pride Rock 48, that is Pride Land Information Source!"

_Cameraman James sobs_

**Seneerie: **_looking at wrist as though a watch is there _Hmm... he's late. Ed? ENTER ED!

_we hear a considerable amount of noise outside the room, amid "go! Go in there!" from someone who sounds suspiciously like Banzai, Ed enters; Jeopardy music ends_

**Seneerie: **FINALLY!

**Ed: **Hur hur!

**Seneerie: **ED! You're here! Congratulations on actually making it here, buddy. About half my interviewees don't actually make it into the building!

_Ed looks concerned and tears well up in his eyes_

**Ed: **Huh... Uh uh! Uh ahna oh ohme! Ah ee! Ah ee! Uh ahn uh ah ee! _translation : "Huh... no no! I wanna go home! Mommy! Mommy! I want my mommy!"_

**Seneerie: **_pulling Ed close _Aww... don't cry! It's okay! Ah ee's here!

**Ed: **_sobs _Ah ee...

**Seneerie: **Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, on with the interview!

_Ed stares blankly for about an hour (come back in an hour)_

**Seneerie: **I'm getting bored.

**Ed: **Ee ooh. _translation; "me too"._

**Seneerie: **So let us get on with the interview!

_she hugs Ed, both make their way to the table_

**Seneerie: **So erm... Ed. What was your former home like?

_BTW, I'm gonna stop doing translations. You's just gona hafta figger 'em out yo'self. If you can't figger 'em out, good for you. Neither can I. But Seneerie can._

**Ed: **Ehn I uz oung, ih uz ate. Ut en I ot ol'er, e'rytin' an'ed.

**Seneerie: **Everything changed when you got older? How?

**Ed: **Ih all ee'ed app'n ight a'er I ot 'ain amage.

**Seneerie: **Why? Did someone give you a dog-treat? What was happening around that time?

**Ed: **Ehll, 'ar ol' ee at A'ah-ee ook' o'er uhs 'hyee'uz, 'n 'en ee all ot roke 'n 'r an' urned oo aste'an.

**Seneerie: **Turned to wasteland? Your land turned to wasteland after Ahadi made you broke? Why?

**Ed: **Y oul' I 'ow? I 'ad 'ain amage. Ehll, ih idn' eally amage y ain un'il la'er.

**Seneerie: **If your brain wasn't like, damaged until like, later, then why didn't you know what was goin' on?

**Ed: **ev'al art answer. Un? I uhz a uhb. A 'hyee'uh uhb, ut s'ill a uhb. Oo? E'ryone uhz a'raid I uhz ona et ain amage, n' so ey ar'd or ee oo uch oo ell ee uht uhz oin' on.

**Seneerie: **_leaning toward Ed _is there a three and four? A five, maybe?

**Ed: **'Ere's a ree an' or. Oh ive. Ell, ree ih at oh un ells ee any'in, uhz I oos ee oh art. I uhz ah eally art hyee'uh. An or ih at ih a ime e'een ehn I ot iht ih uh eh an uh ime I ot ain amage, I oozally uhz ih ain. I oozally aa eh'ay. I uhn ahna ow uht oin' on en.

**Seneerie: **Hmm, just like Scar... so much resemblance between you two. Oh, yeah, and me, after listenin' to you talk. _pops a pain reliever _Anyway, can you tell us who you like?

**Ed: **Uh? I ain' ike o un! Ot oh un!

**Seneerie: **Aww... do you like... Scar? Ooh! Are you gay?

**Ed: **_blushes _Ehl... ay ee.

**Seneerie: **ah-hah... sure! I'll have to ask him in my interview! Scar and Ed, sittin' in a tree! L-i-c-k-i-n-g! First comes love, then comes begging, then comes Nala in a cub carriage!

**Ed: **Uh? Oh! I 'ate 'ara'ee'a!

**Cameraman James: **Er... getting in a tight condition here. End of transition! _waves arms in front of screen, which goes static. Snow. Switch to Seneerie and Ed screaming maniacally as they get covered in snow_

**Seneerie: **Christmas is white in America - it's not white in March in Africa! OR February!

**The Closest We Can Get to the End Without Seeing Seneerie Freeze and see Ed scream like the maniac he is. Besides, we don't want to 'ear 'E'eerie oan an omplay a'out er eh'ay eh'yore. An ere eally ad in ow. El-ie ee, I ow.**


End file.
